1 00:00:00,421 --> 00:00:03,061 The following programme contains strong language, 2 00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:05,101 violence and adult humour, 3 00:00:05,141 --> 00:00:06,341 from the start. 4 00:00:11,461 --> 00:00:14,261 ♪ There was an old lady 5 00:00:14,301 --> 00:00:16,901 ♪ I don't know why she 6 00:00:16,941 --> 00:00:19,141 ♪ Perhaps she'll die. 7 00:00:19,181 --> 00:00:21,861 ♪ There was an old lady who swallowed a spider, 8 00:00:21,901 --> 00:00:24,221 ♪ that wriggled and jiggled 9 00:00:24,261 --> 00:00:25,781 ♪ She... 10 00:00:25,821 --> 00:00:28,381 ♪ ..swallowed the spider 11 00:00:28,421 --> 00:00:30,541 ♪ I don't know why 12 00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:32,461 ♪ Perhaps she'll die... ♪ 13 00:00:37,501 --> 00:00:39,821 ♪ Chewin' out a rhythm 14 00:00:39,861 --> 00:00:42,541 ♪ The sun is out and I want some 15 00:00:42,581 --> 00:00:44,821 ♪ It's not hard, not far to reach ♪ 16 00:00:45,781 --> 00:00:46,781 Woah, woah! 17 00:00:46,821 --> 00:00:47,981 Come on, let's have you. 18 00:00:49,021 --> 00:00:51,501 Why's he got a boat? I have NO idea why he's got a boat. 19 00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:52,741 That's the thing with Chinese Dan. 20 00:00:52,781 --> 00:00:55,061 You never know what he's got lying around. Come on! Check this out. 21 00:00:55,101 --> 00:00:56,141 A great thick idiot 22 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:57,861 will magically appear at the door. 23 00:00:59,301 --> 00:01:00,661 Hello. Y'alright Calvin? 24 00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,861 I got some gear for Chinese Dan there in van... 25 00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:04,021 Your mate not with you? 26 00:01:04,061 --> 00:01:05,701 Small one, flamboyant shirt? 27 00:01:05,741 --> 00:01:07,061 Well do you see him, Calvin? 28 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,141 No, so he's not here? 29 00:01:09,181 --> 00:01:10,381 He's not here. No, he's not... 30 00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:12,181 He's not here. Tell him to go and get Chinese Dan. 31 00:01:12,221 --> 00:01:14,301 Get Chinese Dan. Go and get Chinese Dan! 32 00:01:14,341 --> 00:01:15,701 Wait there. Oh we'll wait there. 33 00:01:15,741 --> 00:01:17,741 This isn't even bloody... locked, dude. 34 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,141 Bloody hell fire. 35 00:01:21,221 --> 00:01:23,141 Dear, dear... Never mind dear, dear! 36 00:01:23,181 --> 00:01:24,621 Them's some good treads them, Dan. 37 00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:25,941 Jesus Christ... 38 00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,101 He's not Chinese. 39 00:01:27,141 --> 00:01:28,461 No. It's- It's a nickname. 40 00:01:28,501 --> 00:01:29,901 Are these knock off? 41 00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:31,261 Yeah, ish... 42 00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:32,741 What's with the boat, man? 43 00:01:32,781 --> 00:01:34,621 What? You want it? Can't shift the bloody thing! 44 00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:35,661 I'm sick of the sight on it. 45 00:01:35,701 --> 00:01:37,141 I've no use for a boat have I Dan? 46 00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,381 What did you bring it up for then?! 47 00:01:38,421 --> 00:01:39,581 'Cause I was bloody curious! 48 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:42,581 Curious?! Does it look like I've got time for curious?! 49 00:01:42,621 --> 00:01:44,501 I don't buy stolen goods, Vinnie. 50 00:01:44,541 --> 00:01:46,061 Never. I'm an honest businessman. 51 00:01:46,101 --> 00:01:47,901 That's just complete bollocks. But... 52 00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:49,221 ..as a favour to you... 53 00:01:50,701 --> 00:01:52,421 I'll take them off your hands for half price. 54 00:01:52,461 --> 00:01:54,461 Half normal price... You penis! 55 00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:55,781 Listen to him. Tell him he's a penis. 56 00:01:55,821 --> 00:01:56,981 He is bloody... 57 00:01:57,021 --> 00:01:58,301 ..screwing me ain't he! 58 00:01:58,341 --> 00:01:59,781 You're a penis and you're screwing him. 59 00:01:59,821 --> 00:02:01,501 A penis? That hurts! 60 00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:02,821 You're screwing him double time. 61 00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:03,861 What's going on love? 62 00:02:03,901 --> 00:02:06,101 It's me mum, Vinnie! 63 00:02:06,141 --> 00:02:08,301 She's gone! 64 00:02:08,341 --> 00:02:09,381 She's dead Vinnie... 65 00:02:09,421 --> 00:02:11,701 Oh... Shit! Shit! Oi, oi! How come you're calling me a penis? 66 00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:13,261 Go and get in that bloody van. Get in the van. 67 00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:15,261 Do your fly up! Your shirt's sticking out of it. 68 00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,701 Make sure you bring your mate next time. 69 00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,221 I will do. Sod off, Calvin! 70 00:02:31,181 --> 00:02:32,381 Who is he? 71 00:02:32,421 --> 00:02:33,981 He's me mate, he sounds like Orville. 72 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,501 Who's Orville? 73 00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:37,781 Green duck, wore a nappy, sat on an old bloke's knee. 74 00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:39,341 And when I was your age, 75 00:02:39,381 --> 00:02:41,821 weirdly, that were entertainment. 76 00:02:41,861 --> 00:02:43,901 Giddy, come on love! 77 00:02:43,941 --> 00:02:46,101 Oh Vinnie, I've run out of tea bags. 78 00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:47,301 And Mum always said to... 79 00:02:47,341 --> 00:02:48,861 ..make a pot of tea... Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. 80 00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:51,101 It's alright, we'll get you some. 81 00:02:51,141 --> 00:02:52,141 We'll get you some tea bags. 82 00:02:52,181 --> 00:02:53,181 Listen to me. She's gone. 83 00:02:53,221 --> 00:02:54,981 Oi. When did she pass away? 84 00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:57,101 Um... About five minutes ago. 85 00:02:57,141 --> 00:02:58,141 Christ... 86 00:02:58,181 --> 00:02:59,381 I rang you straight away. 87 00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:00,821 Is she, uh...? Yeah. 88 00:03:00,861 --> 00:03:02,101 Still up there? Yeah, alright... 89 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,421 Oh! Your friend's very little. 90 00:03:05,301 --> 00:03:06,701 Well, he's 7 in't he?! Oh. 91 00:03:06,741 --> 00:03:08,061 He's a child. 92 00:03:08,101 --> 00:03:10,101 Oh, I thought he was just small. 93 00:03:10,141 --> 00:03:11,621 My cousin O'Sheen's that size 94 00:03:11,661 --> 00:03:12,981 and he's 42. 95 00:03:13,021 --> 00:03:14,741 It's a genetic disorder. 96 00:03:14,781 --> 00:03:16,501 Something to do with the soil composition 97 00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:17,901 in the West of Ireland. 98 00:03:17,941 --> 00:03:20,221 Christ... Do you want to come and see the creepy house? 99 00:03:20,261 --> 00:03:21,741 Yeah. Get in there! 100 00:03:21,781 --> 00:03:22,981 Who are all these? 101 00:03:23,021 --> 00:03:24,861 These are dead folks, all these, love. 102 00:03:24,901 --> 00:03:25,901 Really? Yeah. 103 00:03:25,941 --> 00:03:27,101 Even him? Ooh. He's new! 104 00:03:27,141 --> 00:03:28,301 Giddy, sweetheart. 105 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,341 Who's that? Oh yeah, em... 106 00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:32,861 He got his foot infected on holiday in Beaverlick. 107 00:03:32,901 --> 00:03:33,901 Beaverlick?! 108 00:03:33,941 --> 00:03:35,061 Yeah, it's, um... 109 00:03:35,101 --> 00:03:36,981 ..where they make the chicken. What's it called? 110 00:03:37,021 --> 00:03:38,021 Eh... Kentucky. 111 00:03:38,061 --> 00:03:39,501 Gor, that's not a thing dude. 112 00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:40,861 Not even slightly. 113 00:03:40,901 --> 00:03:43,141 Tyler? Yeah? 114 00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:45,461 What do you want to do? Do you wanna stay here... 115 00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:47,781 ..or do you want to check out Gideon's dead mum? 116 00:03:47,821 --> 00:03:49,021 Will she look asleep? 117 00:03:49,061 --> 00:03:50,781 Oh yes, she's still warm! 118 00:03:50,821 --> 00:03:52,621 That's a really weird thing to say. 119 00:03:52,661 --> 00:03:54,101 Do you wanna stay here? 120 00:03:54,141 --> 00:03:56,061 What do you want to do? 121 00:03:56,101 --> 00:03:57,101 I'll go in. Ah! 122 00:03:57,141 --> 00:03:58,461 Sickness and diarrhoea! 123 00:03:58,501 --> 00:03:59,981 You're so brave dude. 124 00:04:00,821 --> 00:04:01,901 Let's have a look at her th- 125 00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,221 Ooh, Christ! 126 00:04:04,101 --> 00:04:05,661 Sat up. Oh, I did that. 127 00:04:05,701 --> 00:04:07,421 Why has she got a brew in her hand? 128 00:04:07,461 --> 00:04:09,141 One last cuppa together. 129 00:04:09,181 --> 00:04:11,021 But you've no tea bags have yer? 130 00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:13,141 Well, no... There's no tea in it, Vinnie. 131 00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:14,901 There's no point, she's dead! 132 00:04:14,941 --> 00:04:17,101 Just get her ankles will yer? 133 00:04:17,141 --> 00:04:18,901 Let's lie her down. 134 00:04:18,941 --> 00:04:19,941 Alright. 135 00:04:19,981 --> 00:04:22,741 Mum, it's just Vinnie and Tyler. Some mime tea there. 136 00:04:25,261 --> 00:04:26,661 It's alright, sweetheart. 137 00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,901 inappropriately going under the covers to... 138 00:04:28,941 --> 00:04:30,061 .. just... 139 00:04:30,101 --> 00:04:31,621 Oh, fuck! 140 00:04:31,661 --> 00:04:33,621 Fuck me, man. 141 00:04:33,661 --> 00:04:35,101 Why... is the cat...? 142 00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,861 One last stroke of Mr Mittens. 143 00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,181 Did he die too? 144 00:04:39,301 --> 00:04:41,021 Ages ago. 145 00:04:41,061 --> 00:04:42,981 We're gonna need an undertaker, y'know? 146 00:04:43,021 --> 00:04:44,941 Do you know an undertaker? 147 00:04:44,981 --> 00:04:46,061 I'm seven. 148 00:04:54,821 --> 00:04:55,981 It's not ping ping fuckin' ping! 149 00:04:56,021 --> 00:04:57,261 It's not a children's toy! 150 00:04:57,301 --> 00:04:58,661 I swear to God, people see a bell 151 00:04:58,701 --> 00:05:00,741 and they're fuckin' three again! They regress. 152 00:05:00,781 --> 00:05:02,501 Would you like a fuckin' rusk in your mouth? 153 00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:04,341 Are you wearing a fuckin' trainer nappy? No! 154 00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:05,581 You don't have rusks at three. 155 00:05:05,621 --> 00:05:07,901 Well, I wouldn't know, 'cause I don't have any children, do I? 156 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,901 And nor do I want any, the baldy little dribbling fucks. 157 00:05:09,941 --> 00:05:11,061 What do you want? 158 00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:12,661 Vinnie sent us. What now? 159 00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:14,941 Well, somebody's sort of dead... Yeah... 160 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,101 Ah, for fuck's- 161 00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:17,701 I'm having me lunch! 162 00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:19,981 You can tell him, I'm not doing ANYTHING... 163 00:05:20,021 --> 00:05:22,381 ..until I've finished my rarebit. 164 00:05:22,421 --> 00:05:23,421 That's cheese on toast. 165 00:05:23,461 --> 00:05:25,621 It's fucking rarebit! 166 00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:28,501 Cheese on toast. 167 00:05:28,541 --> 00:05:29,541 Sluts! 168 00:05:32,381 --> 00:05:33,701 Uh, girls... 169 00:05:33,741 --> 00:05:35,141 Avoiding us, Tommo? 170 00:05:35,181 --> 00:05:36,901 Aww, no, girls... 171 00:05:36,941 --> 00:05:38,821 Hey, why would I be avoiding you, eh? 172 00:05:38,861 --> 00:05:40,101 Because you owe us two months pay. 173 00:05:40,141 --> 00:05:41,461 We want our money. Ah, huh... 174 00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:43,821 Girls, look, you've got it all wrong, haven't yer? 175 00:05:43,861 --> 00:05:45,741 The reason I was popping in there, 176 00:05:45,781 --> 00:05:47,341 is to get you your money. 177 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,221 Yeah... So, if you'll just let me go, 178 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,261 for one second... 179 00:05:52,701 --> 00:05:55,421 See? Not bad, in't it, eh? 180 00:05:55,461 --> 00:05:57,261 Help me! Get him! 181 00:05:57,301 --> 00:05:58,301 Rape! 182 00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,061 Get in! 183 00:06:03,341 --> 00:06:04,501 Ah! What the fuck?! 184 00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:06,181 Why the fuck's Tommo running? Get over! 185 00:06:06,221 --> 00:06:07,501 Tommo, get in the back! Get over! 186 00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,661 - Hurry up! - Go on! 187 00:06:09,701 --> 00:06:12,221 Where's our money?! What's wrong with you? 188 00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:15,261 Tommo, what have you done to those girls? 189 00:06:15,301 --> 00:06:17,821 I will kill you if it's got anything to do with the club, Tommo! 190 00:06:25,221 --> 00:06:26,781 Why don't you just pay 'em? 191 00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:28,741 Yeah, great question, Co-assistant Manager. 192 00:06:28,781 --> 00:06:30,501 "Why I don't just pay 'em?" Maybe it's because... 193 00:06:30,541 --> 00:06:32,221 ..I haven't got any fucking money! Move. 194 00:06:32,261 --> 00:06:34,541 And aside from a few thousand ecstasy tablets, 195 00:06:34,581 --> 00:06:35,581 which I can't shift because 196 00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:37,621 Carl Slater's breathing down me fuckin' neck, 197 00:06:37,661 --> 00:06:39,181 I've got zero collateral. 198 00:06:39,221 --> 00:06:40,301 I'll take a pill off you. 199 00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,021 One pill? Well, alright, two. 200 00:06:43,061 --> 00:06:44,501 So I'll get one for Cardi. 201 00:06:44,541 --> 00:06:45,661 Right. Hallelujah! 202 00:06:45,701 --> 00:06:47,341 All me cash flow problems are sorted. 203 00:06:47,381 --> 00:06:48,701 Do you want the sale or not? 204 00:06:54,621 --> 00:06:56,061 Hello? She has to be buried. 205 00:06:56,101 --> 00:06:57,341 She-she hated fire. 206 00:06:57,381 --> 00:06:59,061 Even on holiday, she'd lie under a towel... 207 00:06:59,101 --> 00:07:00,581 Calm down a bit. We got some funny looks 208 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,221 when we were in Turin. She loved hymns! 209 00:07:02,261 --> 00:07:03,701 All Things Bright and Beautiful. 210 00:07:03,741 --> 00:07:05,941 And what's the one about the shell suit? How did that go? 211 00:07:05,981 --> 00:07:10,621 ♪ Ooooohhhhh, ooooohhhhh, oooohhh... 212 00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:12,181 ♪ Yer nana in a shell suit. ♪ 213 00:07:12,221 --> 00:07:13,461 "Ding Dong Merrily on High!" 214 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:14,981 Hosanna in excelsis. 215 00:07:15,021 --> 00:07:16,181 Not your nana in a shell suit. 216 00:07:16,221 --> 00:07:17,661 I don't think it matters though, does it? 217 00:07:17,701 --> 00:07:18,981 Matters to Gloria Hosanna. 218 00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,421 She's hailed for her glory to God, 219 00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:22,141 not... 80s attire! 220 00:07:22,181 --> 00:07:23,341 Isn't that a Christmas song? 221 00:07:23,381 --> 00:07:25,501 It is. Well, yeah, it is a Christmas song. Do you want it? 222 00:07:25,541 --> 00:07:27,741 Yes, please. I'd like that, "All Things Bright and Beautiful", 223 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,101 and "Living in a Box" - by Living in a Box. - Giddy? 224 00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,061 Calm yourself a little bit now. 225 00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,421 Sorry. I am upset Vinnie. It's alright. 226 00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:36,061 Go and make a cup of tea - or something. - Ooh, yes. 227 00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:37,101 Just calm down a little bit. 228 00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:38,821 Is that the tea bags there? - Yeah. - Aww, thank you. 229 00:07:38,861 --> 00:07:40,661 Go and sort that out. Do you want to go and help Giddy? 230 00:07:40,701 --> 00:07:42,301 OK. What a good lad. 231 00:07:42,341 --> 00:07:43,741 Look, I promised his mam, 232 00:07:43,781 --> 00:07:45,381 I'd take care of him once she'd passed. 233 00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,501 He's like a little lad! 234 00:07:46,541 --> 00:07:48,621 He's never done anything for himself-Let me tell you, 235 00:07:48,661 --> 00:07:50,781 if you're looking for a free funeral, you can go fuck yourself. 236 00:07:50,821 --> 00:07:52,181 No way, nada, nein, nicht. 237 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,381 Stop fucking me in German for a minute! What about mate's rates? 238 00:07:54,421 --> 00:07:56,261 What mate? Me, you dickhead! 239 00:07:56,301 --> 00:07:57,701 Oh, let me think about that for a second. 240 00:07:57,741 --> 00:07:58,781 Eh... No! 241 00:07:58,821 --> 00:08:00,661 His fuckin' mum's died! 242 00:08:00,701 --> 00:08:01,901 He's got nothing and no one. 243 00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:04,061 She's the only person that ever cared for him. 244 00:08:04,101 --> 00:08:05,821 Have you SEEN the price of coffins?! 245 00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:07,181 Oh fuck, you are horrible. Tight that! 246 00:08:07,221 --> 00:08:08,861 - Shocking. - That's really mean. Oh that's right! 247 00:08:08,901 --> 00:08:11,061 That's right, guilt trip me. It's all my fault! 248 00:08:11,101 --> 00:08:12,941 I've got cystitis and a bunion on my right foot 249 00:08:12,981 --> 00:08:14,621 but you don't see anyone crying for me! 250 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,941 They are painful. 251 00:08:15,981 --> 00:08:18,021 Which? Both. 252 00:08:18,061 --> 00:08:19,461 I know none of you know him. 253 00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:20,741 Alright? I get it. 254 00:08:20,781 --> 00:08:22,141 But I fucking do. 255 00:08:22,181 --> 00:08:24,541 I care about him. I feel responsible for him. 256 00:08:24,581 --> 00:08:25,861 Help me or don't help me, 257 00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,221 I'm burying his mam with dignity. 258 00:08:27,261 --> 00:08:29,941 Oh, for God's sake! Fine. FINE! Fuck me... 259 00:08:29,981 --> 00:08:31,461 Let me tell you what I can do. 260 00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,501 There was a couple in last week, 261 00:08:33,541 --> 00:08:34,541 the Kennerleys... 262 00:08:34,581 --> 00:08:36,021 Brian and Maureen... 263 00:08:36,061 --> 00:08:37,501 Christ! Once! 264 00:08:37,541 --> 00:08:39,061 Ping ping fuckin' ping... 265 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,301 Let me tell you, this pair... 266 00:08:40,341 --> 00:08:43,381 ..won "Cunt Couple of the Year" competition... ..five years running. 267 00:08:43,421 --> 00:08:44,981 Is that a thing? 268 00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:47,261 We need... gold. 269 00:08:47,301 --> 00:08:49,821 Gold trim, gold handles... 270 00:08:49,861 --> 00:08:51,221 ..and mahogany. 271 00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,141 The finest mahogany... 272 00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:55,701 ..known to humanity. 273 00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,261 Oi! 274 00:08:57,301 --> 00:08:58,701 Are you listening? 275 00:08:58,741 --> 00:09:00,461 Yes, I'm listening. 276 00:09:00,501 --> 00:09:02,421 It's the eye. 277 00:09:02,461 --> 00:09:04,181 Looks like you're not listening. 278 00:09:04,221 --> 00:09:05,581 It gives me the creeps. 279 00:09:05,621 --> 00:09:06,701 He was looking at me, Brian was, 280 00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:07,781 going on about the eye, 281 00:09:07,821 --> 00:09:09,341 pointing it out, all morning! 282 00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,661 It's not funny! It's not... 283 00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:12,861 He was calling me Gar-eye by the end! Asking me to do things. 284 00:09:12,901 --> 00:09:14,741 Do this, Gar-eye. Do that, Gar-eye! 285 00:09:14,781 --> 00:09:16,741 Raging I was with him! RAGING! 286 00:09:17,821 --> 00:09:18,981 Anyway it went on like that 287 00:09:19,021 --> 00:09:20,741 til we buried his mother bitch in the ground. 288 00:09:20,781 --> 00:09:22,861 And I am not a spiteful man- Oh, fuck off! 289 00:09:22,901 --> 00:09:24,341 You're horrible. You're a horrible man. 290 00:09:24,381 --> 00:09:25,821 Alright, I'm a little bit spiteful, 291 00:09:25,861 --> 00:09:27,501 but they were RUDE, Vin! 292 00:09:27,541 --> 00:09:28,621 Hurtful! 293 00:09:29,741 --> 00:09:31,301 And that coffin is too good 294 00:09:31,341 --> 00:09:33,461 for any cunt that pushed that cunt out of her cunt! 295 00:09:33,501 --> 00:09:34,781 Tea's up everybody. 296 00:09:34,821 --> 00:09:35,861 Oh, brilliant! 297 00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:38,061 Fuck me! 298 00:09:55,941 --> 00:09:56,941 Oww! 299 00:10:00,181 --> 00:10:02,261 All sorted. No one's getting in now. 300 00:10:06,501 --> 00:10:09,221 I tell you what, I'm just feeling a bit anxious about all of this. 301 00:10:09,261 --> 00:10:10,621 I've just been in the nick 302 00:10:10,661 --> 00:10:12,381 for "preventing a lawful burial" 303 00:10:12,421 --> 00:10:14,501 and now I'm pissing about in here with Beth- 304 00:10:14,541 --> 00:10:15,861 God, she looks boring doesn't she? 305 00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:17,861 It's Gideon that's in need of the coffin. 306 00:10:17,901 --> 00:10:18,901 I'm just asking... 307 00:10:18,941 --> 00:10:20,901 Is there not another way, is all I am saying? 308 00:10:20,941 --> 00:10:22,061 What are you talking about? 309 00:10:22,101 --> 00:10:23,661 You want a coffin, I want revenge. 310 00:10:23,701 --> 00:10:25,421 It's win-win. Oh... 311 00:10:25,461 --> 00:10:27,381 Alright then. But I just want to say a few words. 312 00:10:27,421 --> 00:10:28,861 Bit of dignity before she goes in the oven. 313 00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:30,021 She's dead. She's had her words. 314 00:10:30,061 --> 00:10:32,621 For fuck's sake, Gary, you maniac! 315 00:10:32,661 --> 00:10:34,101 You're desensitized, you! 316 00:10:34,141 --> 00:10:36,181 Do you know that... these are all people? 317 00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:38,501 They were children. All of them, at some stage. 318 00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:40,501 She was cradled in her mother's arms- 319 00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:41,901 And now she's dead, in the ground. 320 00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,221 Dig the fuckin' earth! 321 00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:47,021 It's funny being dead, in't it? 322 00:10:47,061 --> 00:10:48,701 All that shit everyone worries about, you know- 323 00:10:48,741 --> 00:10:51,301 Oh no, I've missed me deadline! 324 00:10:51,341 --> 00:10:53,581 Oh no, I've hurt their feelings! 325 00:10:53,621 --> 00:10:55,541 Oh no, I've been to visit my elderly neighbour, 326 00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:57,741 and ended up road hoggin' her in front of Countdown... 327 00:11:00,061 --> 00:11:01,341 When you're down there, 328 00:11:01,381 --> 00:11:02,501 none of it fuckin' matters. 329 00:11:02,541 --> 00:11:03,821 Woah, woah, woah! 330 00:11:03,861 --> 00:11:05,301 You'll damage the coffin! 331 00:11:05,341 --> 00:11:06,901 Let's get in and do the rest by hand. 332 00:11:06,941 --> 00:11:08,821 Go on, Ashley! Get in there, love. 333 00:11:08,861 --> 00:11:10,181 Go on, Dildo... 334 00:11:10,221 --> 00:11:11,781 There we go, lad. 335 00:11:15,101 --> 00:11:16,501 Yeah, mind! Mind! 336 00:11:18,661 --> 00:11:21,021 Have I told you I've taken up magic? 337 00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:22,901 No, but now is the perfect time. 338 00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:24,621 Yeah, I've been learning it on YouTube. 339 00:11:24,661 --> 00:11:26,541 Magic her alive and maybe she could dig herself out... 340 00:11:26,581 --> 00:11:27,981 Oh, oh, d'you know, 341 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,541 I'm-I'm getting pretty good. Carol reckons I could earn a living at it. 342 00:11:30,581 --> 00:11:32,221 Do you want to shut the fuck up about magic? 343 00:11:32,261 --> 00:11:33,621 I think we are there now. Hey, just... 344 00:11:33,661 --> 00:11:35,261 ..pull top layer off. Come on. 345 00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:38,181 Looks good, that! Yeah. 346 00:11:38,221 --> 00:11:40,741 That's a beauty that. Look at that! Right, right. Shift, shift, shift! 347 00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,861 I'm gonna lift off the lid. Wait, what do you mean open the lid? 348 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,581 Why are you talking about lifting the lid for? 349 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:45,901 To get her out. 350 00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:47,021 Was I unclear about that? 351 00:11:47,061 --> 00:11:48,661 Yeah, you fuckin' were! 352 00:11:48,701 --> 00:11:50,421 How do you think we're gonna get a giant coffin 353 00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:51,541 out of a tiny hole? 354 00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:53,221 You have to up end and push! 355 00:11:53,261 --> 00:11:54,981 You wouldn't move a chest of drawers 356 00:11:55,021 --> 00:11:56,621 with the contents inside, now would ya? 357 00:11:56,661 --> 00:11:57,861 Fair point. No flipping way, mate. 358 00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:58,901 You can count me out. 359 00:11:58,941 --> 00:12:01,621 It's disgusting! It's bloody immoral and it's degrading! 360 00:12:01,661 --> 00:12:03,421 Oh by the way, to get my own back... 361 00:12:03,461 --> 00:12:04,701 I buried her in... 362 00:12:04,741 --> 00:12:06,421 ..tights and suspenders. 363 00:12:06,461 --> 00:12:08,901 Oh! Ooh! 364 00:12:09,981 --> 00:12:11,541 For fuck sake Gary... 365 00:12:11,581 --> 00:12:12,741 Is it just me... 366 00:12:12,781 --> 00:12:14,461 ..or is that still quite erotic? Fuck off, Tommo! 367 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,981 Hang about, just because I'm in touch with my experimental side.. 368 00:12:17,021 --> 00:12:18,261 Can we just get on with this? 369 00:12:18,301 --> 00:12:19,861 Dude, I think I'm gonna fuckin' puke. 370 00:12:19,901 --> 00:12:21,781 Right, one of you two needs to climb up there 371 00:12:21,821 --> 00:12:22,941 and help us at the top- I'll go. 372 00:12:22,981 --> 00:12:24,341 That's a bad choice. 373 00:12:24,381 --> 00:12:25,941 Right, 1, 2, 3... 374 00:12:25,981 --> 00:12:28,181 Careful lads. Care-Careful! Up. Up. Up. 375 00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:29,381 I'm not sure I've got him... 376 00:12:30,261 --> 00:12:31,901 Oh! Oh! 377 00:12:33,701 --> 00:12:35,661 You have crushed her entire body! 378 00:12:35,701 --> 00:12:38,261 Dude, I think one of her boobs just popped... 379 00:12:38,301 --> 00:12:39,421 Oh Cardi... 380 00:12:39,461 --> 00:12:41,661 That is a fucking nightmare, man! 381 00:12:41,701 --> 00:12:43,141 She's fucking stiff! 382 00:12:43,181 --> 00:12:44,301 She's not the only one. 383 00:12:45,221 --> 00:12:46,981 You get out. 384 00:12:47,021 --> 00:12:48,021 NOW! 385 00:12:50,421 --> 00:12:51,501 Do you not take her shoes off? 386 00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:54,101 No, she had the most disgusting trotters I have ever seen. 387 00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:55,381 Right. There you go. 388 00:12:55,421 --> 00:12:57,461 Go ahead, say your words. 389 00:12:57,501 --> 00:12:58,901 Like that? No. 390 00:12:58,941 --> 00:13:00,541 It is like that, dickhead. No, it's not. 391 00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:01,581 It is like that! 392 00:13:01,621 --> 00:13:03,581 Go on, say your words. 393 00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:04,861 Beth, listen love... 394 00:13:06,701 --> 00:13:08,341 I'm sure... 395 00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:12,301 ..that when you were on this earth, you were a good... 396 00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:13,781 mother and good wife- 397 00:13:13,821 --> 00:13:15,741 What are you doing, you dickhead? Why've you done that?! 398 00:13:15,781 --> 00:13:17,301 Come on, why don't we have a brew? 399 00:13:17,341 --> 00:13:19,781 I haven't finished what I was saying! Gary, you've ruined- 400 00:13:19,821 --> 00:13:21,741 I'm sorry for nicking yer coffin, love. 401 00:13:21,781 --> 00:13:22,861 For fuck's sake... 402 00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:24,661 ♪ Shakedown 403 00:13:24,701 --> 00:13:27,261 ♪ Dreams walking in broad daylight ♪ 404 00:13:29,181 --> 00:13:31,021 Don't you want some of this? No, ta. 405 00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:34,221 ♪ Burning down the house Giddy! 406 00:13:34,261 --> 00:13:35,701 P-pick a card. Any card. 407 00:13:35,741 --> 00:13:36,981 OK. Got one? 408 00:13:37,021 --> 00:13:38,461 Right, don't show me. 409 00:13:38,501 --> 00:13:39,861 Yeah, OK. Put it back. 410 00:13:39,901 --> 00:13:41,341 Anywhere- ÷Anywhere you like... 411 00:13:41,381 --> 00:13:42,701 OK. Back in? 412 00:13:42,741 --> 00:13:44,661 It's back in there. Right, OK. 413 00:13:44,701 --> 00:13:46,301 Alright, just- Now, just- 414 00:13:46,341 --> 00:13:48,821 On three, just snap your fingers near the deck. 415 00:13:48,861 --> 00:13:49,981 Alright? 416 00:13:50,021 --> 00:13:51,861 One, two... 417 00:13:51,901 --> 00:13:53,141 - Three! - Woah! 418 00:13:53,181 --> 00:13:54,221 Is that your card? 419 00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:55,701 Six of diamonds? 420 00:13:55,741 --> 00:13:57,701 Yes... 421 00:13:57,741 --> 00:13:59,061 Magician! That's it. 422 00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:00,221 That's a class act. 423 00:14:00,261 --> 00:14:01,541 And for my next trick... 424 00:14:01,581 --> 00:14:03,341 Get away... Aww... 425 00:14:03,381 --> 00:14:04,661 Magic! 426 00:14:04,701 --> 00:14:06,021 Vinnie, I... 427 00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:08,221 I think I look plump in this suit. 428 00:14:08,261 --> 00:14:09,261 Yeah, you do. I mean, yeah. 429 00:14:09,301 --> 00:14:11,021 You look plump in fuckin' everythin' don't you? 430 00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:13,021 You're plump! 431 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,661 I think it's cool, man. 432 00:14:14,701 --> 00:14:16,341 Very sharp. 433 00:14:16,381 --> 00:14:17,781 Come here, sweetheart. Put that on. 434 00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:18,861 It's bloody freezin'. 435 00:14:18,901 --> 00:14:21,061 Thanks. There's a good lad. 436 00:14:21,101 --> 00:14:23,061 You- You're a good friend, Vinnie. 437 00:14:24,101 --> 00:14:25,301 Thank you. 438 00:14:25,341 --> 00:14:27,901 What are you thanking me for? Of course I'm your friend! 439 00:14:27,941 --> 00:14:29,461 I told your mum I'd look after you. 440 00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:30,981 That's exactly what I'm gonna do. 441 00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:32,901 Well, you're a credit to your mum. 442 00:14:32,941 --> 00:14:34,501 She-she brought you up well. 443 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:35,661 Maybe. 444 00:14:36,861 --> 00:14:38,221 Boys need their mums, don't they? 445 00:14:38,261 --> 00:14:40,101 Tha-That's what my mum used to say. 446 00:14:40,141 --> 00:14:41,421 Yeah... 447 00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:43,341 I reckon you're definitely right with that one, Giddy. 448 00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:44,621 Christ... 449 00:14:44,661 --> 00:14:45,661 Ow! Oww! 450 00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:46,981 Ooh you fuckers! 451 00:14:47,021 --> 00:14:48,021 Hey! Owww! 452 00:14:48,061 --> 00:14:49,181 Dude, I'm sorry! 453 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,341 I said I am fucking sorry... 454 00:14:51,381 --> 00:14:52,661 Ash stop it. Stop. Stop. 455 00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:53,861 Stop! The pair of yer. 456 00:14:53,901 --> 00:14:55,141 What the fuck's going on? 457 00:14:55,181 --> 00:14:56,741 He handcuffed us together. 458 00:14:57,581 --> 00:14:59,701 What've you done that for? 459 00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:01,341 Magic! Fucking magic? 460 00:15:01,381 --> 00:15:02,981 He's swallowed the key. Have yer? 461 00:15:03,021 --> 00:15:05,141 I was supposed to hold it under my tongue. 462 00:15:05,181 --> 00:15:07,021 Have you got a spare one? 463 00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:08,701 Not on me. Why do you keep saying "not on me"? 464 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,221 You don't HAVE a spare one! Oww! 465 00:15:10,261 --> 00:15:11,941 You either have one or you don't! Stop it! 466 00:15:11,981 --> 00:15:13,581 Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. 467 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,821 Christ... 468 00:15:14,861 --> 00:15:16,341 Listen, you are going to have to fucking go. 469 00:15:16,381 --> 00:15:17,661 It's a funeral! 470 00:15:17,701 --> 00:15:19,981 You look like you're on day release, lads. 471 00:15:20,021 --> 00:15:21,301 Behave yourselves! 472 00:15:21,341 --> 00:15:22,381 Hey. 473 00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,381 We will. It was my favourite trick as well. 474 00:15:24,421 --> 00:15:26,901 You've upset him there. You have bloody upset him. 475 00:15:26,941 --> 00:15:28,021 Dylan! What? 476 00:15:28,061 --> 00:15:29,621 Why are you letting them do magic? 477 00:15:29,661 --> 00:15:31,621 Do you know what I mean? 478 00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:33,741 It's always my fault in't it? 479 00:15:43,021 --> 00:15:47,821 ♪ Oh she may be weary 480 00:15:47,861 --> 00:15:51,901 ♪ And them young girls 481 00:15:51,941 --> 00:15:55,741 ♪ Wearing that same old 482 00:15:55,781 --> 00:15:59,221 ♪ Ragged dress, yeah ♪ 483 00:16:03,501 --> 00:16:08,501 ♪ But when they get weary 484 00:16:08,541 --> 00:16:13,421 ♪ Try a little tenderness ♪ 485 00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:23,541 ♪ You might not believe it, but... 486 00:16:23,581 --> 00:16:28,061 ♪ You know, she's waiting 487 00:16:28,101 --> 00:16:31,661 ♪ Just anticipating... ♪ 488 00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:35,181 ♪ All things bright and beautiful, 489 00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:39,581 ♪ All creatures great and small, 490 00:16:39,621 --> 00:16:43,261 ♪ All things wise and wonderful, 491 00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:46,101 ♪ The Lord God made them all. ♪ 492 00:16:46,141 --> 00:16:47,341 Go on, Giddy! Give us a song! 493 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:51,381 ♪ The Lord is always listening, 494 00:16:51,421 --> 00:16:55,541 ♪ To give us what we need, 495 00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,621 ♪ Like when I've run out of tea bags 496 00:16:59,661 --> 00:17:02,461 ♪ And Vinnie needs some weed... ♪ 497 00:17:02,501 --> 00:17:03,981 Yeah! 498 00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:06,821 OK, this is the, uh, the main bar area. 499 00:17:06,861 --> 00:17:08,101 And at the back there 500 00:17:08,141 --> 00:17:09,341 is the staff quarters. 501 00:17:17,301 --> 00:17:19,381 Uh, these- these are the numbers 502 00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,221 from the books this year so far. 503 00:17:21,261 --> 00:17:24,581 As you can see, obviously, 'cause of the current climate... 504 00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:27,301 We commit Gideon's mum to the ground. 505 00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:29,941 Earth to earth. 506 00:17:29,981 --> 00:17:32,021 Ashes to ashes. 507 00:17:32,061 --> 00:17:33,421 Dust to dust. 508 00:17:34,461 --> 00:17:36,661 Bye, Mum... 509 00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:42,461 Jesus, Cardi... 510 00:17:45,861 --> 00:17:47,181 D'you think I made it worse? 511 00:17:47,221 --> 00:17:49,581 Hit it in the middle of the plastic bit... 512 00:17:52,261 --> 00:17:53,741 Never pay to have it sucked again. 513 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,861 The AutoBlow 2, Titan edition... 514 00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:57,381 Me- Me mum's just died. 515 00:17:57,421 --> 00:17:59,141 Well, you'll need it all the more then, won't yer?! 516 00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:01,741 Motty will you fuck off with your blowjob machine?! 517 00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:03,421 Fucking Autoblow 2. 518 00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:04,781 Have you improved it on the last one? 519 00:18:04,821 --> 00:18:06,221 Well, the first one snagged, didn't it?! 520 00:18:06,261 --> 00:18:08,101 You are never gonna sell that, love. 521 00:18:08,141 --> 00:18:09,541 Thanks for all this, Vinnie. 522 00:18:09,581 --> 00:18:11,021 Eh, can I buy you a drink? 523 00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:12,101 Nah, you don't have to do that. 524 00:18:12,141 --> 00:18:13,621 Oh please... I-I insist. 525 00:18:14,741 --> 00:18:16,381 Sod it. Go on then. 526 00:18:16,421 --> 00:18:17,581 Pint of lager. 527 00:18:17,621 --> 00:18:18,861 Eh, pint of lager please Dylan 528 00:18:18,901 --> 00:18:20,581 and whatever your having mate... 529 00:18:20,621 --> 00:18:22,501 Where is me wallet now? 530 00:18:22,541 --> 00:18:24,181 Oh, there's so many pockets in here. 531 00:18:24,221 --> 00:18:26,061 Can I give you a hand there? 532 00:18:26,101 --> 00:18:27,101 Vinnie! 533 00:18:27,141 --> 00:18:28,621 It'll be down here... 534 00:18:28,661 --> 00:18:29,701 Vinnie that's rude! 535 00:18:31,421 --> 00:18:33,341 Oh Vinnie... That- 536 00:18:33,381 --> 00:18:34,781 That's mum's handwriting. 537 00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:35,821 Is it? Yeah. 538 00:18:35,861 --> 00:18:36,861 Yeah? 539 00:18:36,901 --> 00:18:38,301 Well that might be a bloody note! 540 00:18:38,341 --> 00:18:40,221 What does it say? What does she mean? What does-? 541 00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:41,941 Chill out, let's have a look. 542 00:18:41,981 --> 00:18:43,101 Oh, looksee... 543 00:18:43,141 --> 00:18:45,621 "For when I'm gone." 544 00:18:45,661 --> 00:18:48,221 Vinnie, do you think she wrote it from beyond the grave?! 545 00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,101 Do I?! Bloody hell, you lunatic. 546 00:18:50,141 --> 00:18:51,581 She has wrote you a little letter, 547 00:18:51,621 --> 00:18:53,221 and snuck it in there so you'd find it 548 00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:54,501 once she's passed away. Ah... 549 00:18:54,541 --> 00:18:55,541 That makes more sense. 550 00:18:55,581 --> 00:18:56,781 It does, dun't it? Yeah. 551 00:18:56,821 --> 00:18:58,261 There you go then, come on. Oh, no. 552 00:18:58,301 --> 00:19:00,301 Can you open it? Oh, Giddy love it's- 553 00:19:00,341 --> 00:19:01,621 I don't know about that. 554 00:19:01,661 --> 00:19:03,061 Oh please, Vinnie. I'm dead nervous. 555 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,341 Please... 556 00:19:04,381 --> 00:19:05,421 Are you sure? Yes. 557 00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:06,821 Yeah? - Yes. - Alright then... 558 00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:08,501 Let's just get it over and done with. 559 00:19:09,501 --> 00:19:11,141 Oh! What lovely handwriting! 560 00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,901 Look at that! 561 00:19:12,941 --> 00:19:14,141 Funeral instructions... 562 00:19:14,181 --> 00:19:16,141 Oh no, what have we forgotten?! It- 563 00:19:16,181 --> 00:19:17,661 It's alright. Sweetheart, it's alright. 564 00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:20,061 I bet there's not a thing on this list we haven't already covered. 565 00:19:20,101 --> 00:19:21,341 We've had a lovely day, haven't we?! 566 00:19:21,381 --> 00:19:22,981 Magic, yeah... 567 00:19:23,021 --> 00:19:24,821 Yep. Yeh. Uh-huh. 568 00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:26,781 Yeh. Yeh... Mhm. 569 00:19:26,821 --> 00:19:27,821 Yep... 570 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,741 Buried... at sea? 571 00:19:30,781 --> 00:19:31,941 Fuck! 572 00:19:39,701 --> 00:19:42,021 Cheers mate. Cardi here swallowed the key and we don't have a spare. 573 00:19:42,061 --> 00:19:43,101 Let me get this straight. 574 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:44,661 You don't want to buy it? 575 00:19:44,701 --> 00:19:46,381 No, I don't want to buy it. I want to borrow it! 576 00:19:46,421 --> 00:19:48,141 Borrow? Yeah. 577 00:19:48,181 --> 00:19:49,181 You mean rent? 578 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:50,901 No, I don't mean fucking rent! 579 00:19:50,941 --> 00:19:53,661 I want to borrow it, for a sea burial. 580 00:19:53,701 --> 00:19:54,981 Our mate's mam's died! 581 00:19:55,021 --> 00:19:56,461 No one's making any money on this. 582 00:19:56,501 --> 00:19:58,861 We're just... doing it out of the goodness of our hearts. 583 00:19:58,901 --> 00:20:00,581 Goodness of your hearts? 584 00:20:00,621 --> 00:20:03,381 Let me tell you, I once signed up to a charity once. 585 00:20:03,421 --> 00:20:04,421 What happened? 586 00:20:04,461 --> 00:20:06,101 Same day, crashed me car 587 00:20:06,141 --> 00:20:08,181 and got Laryngitis! 588 00:20:08,221 --> 00:20:09,621 And that were it. 589 00:20:09,661 --> 00:20:11,341 I got out of the nice game. 590 00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,421 How come you've got so many keys in here? 591 00:20:13,461 --> 00:20:15,341 I unlock LOTS of things. 592 00:20:16,261 --> 00:20:17,821 Like what? 593 00:20:17,861 --> 00:20:19,781 Doors... 594 00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:21,421 Hearts... 595 00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:22,941 Look, you said yourself, 596 00:20:22,981 --> 00:20:24,941 you're sick of the fuckin' sight of it! 597 00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:26,861 We only need it for a couple of days, man. 598 00:20:26,901 --> 00:20:28,301 Come on. 599 00:20:28,341 --> 00:20:30,261 Couple of days? Yeah. 600 00:20:30,301 --> 00:20:31,301 Let me see... 601 00:20:32,661 --> 00:20:34,221 Yes... 602 00:20:34,261 --> 00:20:35,261 ..or no? 603 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,661 Dick. 604 00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:38,461 Yes... 605 00:20:38,501 --> 00:20:39,781 ..or no? 606 00:20:41,021 --> 00:20:42,021 Yes. Yeah? 607 00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:43,661 On one condition. Go on. 608 00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:44,781 You don't bring it back. 609 00:20:44,821 --> 00:20:46,541 You what?! You heard! 610 00:20:46,581 --> 00:20:47,581 You take it, 611 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:49,421 you sail it away... 612 00:20:49,461 --> 00:20:51,061 ..you drop off your dead person... 613 00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:53,941 ..and I never see it again. 614 00:20:53,981 --> 00:20:55,461 Fuck me, you are hard work. 615 00:20:55,501 --> 00:20:56,901 Insured is it? Eh? 616 00:20:57,901 --> 00:20:59,741 Yes, as a matter of fact, it is, yeah. 617 00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:02,341 But I resent the accusation. 618 00:21:03,781 --> 00:21:05,261 I fuck- I hate you Dan. 619 00:21:05,301 --> 00:21:06,981 I know. You're horrible. 620 00:21:07,021 --> 00:21:08,501 Link the fucking thing up. 621 00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:10,381 Calvin, no worries but... 622 00:21:11,381 --> 00:21:13,021 Oh, here, maybe take a laxative. 623 00:21:13,061 --> 00:21:14,301 Poop the key out. 624 00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,901 You might as well get your mates to handcuff us together. 625 00:21:16,941 --> 00:21:18,101 Come on. 626 00:21:18,141 --> 00:21:19,621 Fucking hell mate! Harassment, that is. 627 00:21:19,661 --> 00:21:21,061 Hashtag Me Too, pal. 628 00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:22,741 Tommo, stop flirting! 629 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:25,101 Get in the fucking van dude, we've gotta get laxatives! 630 00:21:25,141 --> 00:21:26,461 Christ, he's a dickhead. 631 00:21:28,861 --> 00:21:29,981 All this Gideon stuff, 632 00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:32,101 it's got me thinkin' about me mum a lot. 633 00:21:32,141 --> 00:21:33,541 Y'know? 634 00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,021 Why the fuckin' hell... 635 00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,861 ..do you just leave your child? 636 00:21:37,781 --> 00:21:38,981 I mean let's just- 637 00:21:39,021 --> 00:21:40,781 If we gave her the benefit of the doubt for a sec, 638 00:21:40,821 --> 00:21:42,461 and just say... 639 00:21:42,501 --> 00:21:44,021 ..that me dad was fucking useless, 640 00:21:44,061 --> 00:21:45,421 which he would have been 641 00:21:45,461 --> 00:21:47,381 and she needed some space, that's fair enough. 642 00:21:47,421 --> 00:21:48,741 But you'd come back, wouldn't you? 643 00:21:48,781 --> 00:21:49,821 I'd never... 644 00:21:49,861 --> 00:21:52,341 ..EVER leave my little boy. Ever. 645 00:21:52,381 --> 00:21:55,301 No, no phone call, no f- Here you are. 646 00:21:55,341 --> 00:21:56,341 This is all I've got. 647 00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:57,981 All I've got to remind me of her. 648 00:22:02,581 --> 00:22:03,621 Nice. 649 00:22:03,661 --> 00:22:04,861 She were bonny... 650 00:22:06,861 --> 00:22:08,381 I get these flashbacks... 651 00:22:10,061 --> 00:22:12,541 ..to the moment she left me, when I was little. 652 00:22:12,581 --> 00:22:14,221 Y'know? 653 00:22:14,261 --> 00:22:16,141 And fuck, I wonder... 654 00:22:16,181 --> 00:22:18,981 I-I wonder in a funny kinda way, whether... 655 00:22:19,021 --> 00:22:21,781 ..maybe that's the reason I don't trust anyone. 656 00:22:21,821 --> 00:22:23,221 Especially girls. 657 00:22:24,981 --> 00:22:27,341 Fuck I am just terrified of falling in love, 658 00:22:27,381 --> 00:22:29,221 in case they bloody leave me, y'know? 659 00:22:30,421 --> 00:22:31,621 Leave me on my own... 660 00:22:34,901 --> 00:22:35,901 Amazing knees. 661 00:22:35,941 --> 00:22:37,301 Dickhead. Oh, they're smashers. 662 00:22:37,341 --> 00:22:39,141 Dude, I'm pouring me heart out here 663 00:22:39,181 --> 00:22:41,181 and you're just perving on me missing mum's knees. 664 00:22:41,221 --> 00:22:42,861 You fu- I'm just saying, she was a looker! 665 00:22:42,901 --> 00:22:43,901 You should be pleased! 666 00:22:43,941 --> 00:22:44,941 Pleased? Yeah! 667 00:22:44,981 --> 00:22:46,621 I mean, I would. I mean not now, but... 668 00:22:46,661 --> 00:22:47,661 ..back then I would. 669 00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:49,021 Honestly, you've crossed a line here. 670 00:22:49,061 --> 00:22:50,141 No, that's a good thing! 671 00:22:50,181 --> 00:22:51,981 There's your weed. Vinnie! 672 00:22:52,021 --> 00:22:53,101 I'm storming out. What? 673 00:22:53,141 --> 00:22:54,781 You'd rather I'd said she was a munter?! 674 00:22:56,701 --> 00:22:57,981 Don't you crease it! Right, now... 675 00:22:58,021 --> 00:23:00,461 Come up with another plan... again. This plan... 676 00:23:00,501 --> 00:23:02,341 ..is simple... Oh? 677 00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:03,661 ..yet genius. 678 00:23:03,701 --> 00:23:05,381 Now we live on an island. 679 00:23:05,421 --> 00:23:06,421 Yeah? Yep. 680 00:23:06,461 --> 00:23:08,581 What is an island is surrounded by? Dylan! 681 00:23:08,621 --> 00:23:10,181 We're not fucking five, Vin. 682 00:23:10,221 --> 00:23:11,581 Oh w-water? Oh. 683 00:23:11,621 --> 00:23:13,901 Correct! You're fucking spot on, clever lad! 684 00:23:13,941 --> 00:23:15,941 Right now, off this island, 685 00:23:15,981 --> 00:23:17,261 there's another island. 686 00:23:17,301 --> 00:23:18,541 Voila! 687 00:23:18,581 --> 00:23:20,541 Douglas. Capital of the Isle of Man. 688 00:23:20,581 --> 00:23:22,661 That's right, Dyldo! And THAT... 689 00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:24,621 That's where we'll be sailing to. 690 00:23:24,661 --> 00:23:26,261 Are you fucking joking? Hang about... 691 00:23:26,301 --> 00:23:27,581 Why the Isle of Man? 692 00:23:27,621 --> 00:23:29,581 Well, I'm glad you asked. It's a fuckin' good question. 693 00:23:29,621 --> 00:23:32,301 The Isle of Man, has a MASSIVE boating community. 694 00:23:32,341 --> 00:23:33,981 Right? This is what I think. 695 00:23:34,021 --> 00:23:35,661 We do our sea burial with Gideon, 696 00:23:35,701 --> 00:23:37,261 we sell that boat, 697 00:23:37,301 --> 00:23:38,701 and we just tell Dan 698 00:23:38,741 --> 00:23:40,621 that we sunk it all the way 699 00:23:40,661 --> 00:23:42,621 to the bottom of the bloody ocean. Someone's gonna drown. 700 00:23:42,661 --> 00:23:43,781 100 percent. How do we get back? 701 00:23:43,821 --> 00:23:45,901 You're gonna love it. It's a win-win situation. 702 00:23:45,941 --> 00:23:47,861 The ferry. Ah, go on! 703 00:23:47,901 --> 00:23:50,461 Oh yeah. Unbelievable. Genius, man. Genius. 704 00:23:50,501 --> 00:23:52,461 Fuck, Dylan! What the fuck is wrong with that plan?! 705 00:23:52,501 --> 00:23:53,741 Well, let me think... Uh... 706 00:23:53,781 --> 00:23:55,981 None of us can sail a fucking boat. 707 00:23:56,021 --> 00:23:57,021 He can. 708 00:23:57,941 --> 00:24:00,701 For fishing, yes. Not across the fucking Irish Sea! 709 00:24:00,741 --> 00:24:02,181 What's the difference? 710 00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:04,221 Well, tides, currents, bloody hidden rocks! 711 00:24:04,261 --> 00:24:06,301 We're gonna need like GPS, tidal maps- 712 00:24:06,341 --> 00:24:07,861 JJ... It's a straight line, 713 00:24:07,901 --> 00:24:09,741 it just lists off to the left. 714 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:10,981 I'll sail it. 715 00:24:11,021 --> 00:24:12,341 Oh. Can you sail? 716 00:24:12,381 --> 00:24:14,101 I've dabbled mate, in me youth. 717 00:24:14,141 --> 00:24:15,701 Forward, reverse, like a car int'it? 718 00:24:15,741 --> 00:24:17,101 Except on water. 719 00:24:17,141 --> 00:24:19,541 Can I just say, yeah, tidal navigation requires practice, 720 00:24:19,581 --> 00:24:20,621 and fucking experience. 721 00:24:20,661 --> 00:24:22,221 You can't sail, you cunt- 722 00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:23,741 Skipton reservoir. 723 00:24:23,781 --> 00:24:24,861 Yeah? Yeah! 724 00:24:25,901 --> 00:24:27,541 Well that'll do won't it? I mean, it's, you know, 725 00:24:27,581 --> 00:24:28,581 a couple of fingers that - 726 00:24:28,621 --> 00:24:30,461 Can I come? On the boat trip? 727 00:24:30,501 --> 00:24:31,701 Oh, well... 728 00:24:33,341 --> 00:24:34,741 You might have to ask your mam. 729 00:24:34,781 --> 00:24:36,261 Yeah! That was a shit idea. 730 00:24:36,301 --> 00:24:37,501 As long as I can come. 731 00:24:37,541 --> 00:24:38,941 Listen, Erin I don't know whether... 732 00:24:38,981 --> 00:24:40,861 Sug? No, absolutely not. 733 00:24:40,901 --> 00:24:42,341 What could possibly go wrong? 734 00:24:45,821 --> 00:24:48,061 Dude, we shouldn't be doing this - in broad daylight! - Oh shit. 735 00:24:48,101 --> 00:24:49,341 These fishing rods... 736 00:24:49,381 --> 00:24:50,861 Phew! 737 00:24:50,901 --> 00:24:53,061 Cumbersome... Bloody help I can't wait- 738 00:24:53,101 --> 00:24:54,501 Jesus wept... Dude. 739 00:24:54,541 --> 00:24:56,221 Can you believe we've had to dig her up? 740 00:24:56,261 --> 00:24:57,501 Huh? Two bodies in one week. 741 00:24:57,541 --> 00:24:58,621 I've pulled my groin! 742 00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:00,981 Just hurry up, for Christ sake! 743 00:25:01,021 --> 00:25:03,261 Oi, stop being grumpy! We're comin' as fast as we can! 744 00:25:03,301 --> 00:25:05,501 Yeah, you bellend. Why don't you give us a hand, you lazy bastard? 745 00:25:05,541 --> 00:25:07,421 In the fishing community, this is bloody frowned upon. 746 00:25:07,461 --> 00:25:09,701 They don't even LIKE humans down there! They get eaten to the bone! 747 00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,821 His mum's gonna turn up in a bloody Lobster Thermidor! 748 00:25:11,861 --> 00:25:13,461 Shhhh! Lobster Thermidor?! 749 00:25:13,501 --> 00:25:14,581 Shit... Oi! 750 00:25:14,621 --> 00:25:15,701 They suck your eyes out first. 751 00:25:15,741 --> 00:25:16,901 Dude, what the fuck...?! 752 00:25:16,941 --> 00:25:18,741 Right, now we've done everything she asked for 753 00:25:18,781 --> 00:25:19,821 on that list, haven't we? 754 00:25:19,861 --> 00:25:21,541 This is what she wanted Gid... 755 00:25:21,581 --> 00:25:24,461 Yeah, but I don't like the thought of her down there, being... 756 00:25:24,501 --> 00:25:25,901 ..eaten by the fishes... 757 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:27,901 You know, honestly, her soul, Gid, 758 00:25:27,941 --> 00:25:29,141 that's up in heaven now. 759 00:25:29,181 --> 00:25:30,781 This is just a... 760 00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:32,021 ..shell. Oh, so... 761 00:25:32,061 --> 00:25:34,021 That's just like a... a vessel. 762 00:25:34,061 --> 00:25:36,021 She's like a vessel! Eh? 763 00:25:36,061 --> 00:25:37,141 Shall we get her on board? Yes. 764 00:25:37,181 --> 00:25:39,021 Let's get her on board! Come on. 765 00:25:39,061 --> 00:25:40,461 JJ, get underneath, JJ... 766 00:25:40,501 --> 00:25:42,061 With dignity now. With dignity. 767 00:25:42,101 --> 00:25:43,461 Careful now, boys... 768 00:25:43,501 --> 00:25:45,421 Oh fuck! Oh, my god! 769 00:25:46,781 --> 00:25:48,541 What the fuck are you playing at? 770 00:25:48,581 --> 00:25:50,901 What if they check the boat at the Isle of Man? 771 00:25:50,941 --> 00:25:52,741 Why would they check the boat Ashley? 772 00:25:52,781 --> 00:25:55,141 In case there are dickheads smuggling drugs? 773 00:25:55,181 --> 00:25:56,621 You should have told Vinnie about this. 774 00:25:56,661 --> 00:25:57,941 Yeah well, I couldn't tell Vinnie 775 00:25:57,981 --> 00:26:00,141 because he's brought a CHILD on board. 776 00:26:00,181 --> 00:26:02,421 Yeah, and you knew he was bringing Tyler. 777 00:26:02,461 --> 00:26:03,701 Why did you bring the drugs anyway? 778 00:26:03,741 --> 00:26:04,941 Because I had it all worked out. 779 00:26:04,981 --> 00:26:06,541 In my fucking head. 780 00:26:06,581 --> 00:26:08,261 Listen. Listen. Listen, right. 781 00:26:08,301 --> 00:26:09,821 I've got a contact on the Isle. 782 00:26:09,861 --> 00:26:12,701 One Sniffy Jones, not his real name, he is a mate of Gary's. Anyway... 783 00:26:12,741 --> 00:26:15,061 He runs hen-dos, stag-dos and God knows what the fuck else, 784 00:26:15,101 --> 00:26:16,781 so I can shift some of these, 785 00:26:16,821 --> 00:26:18,141 get a little bit of cash, 786 00:26:18,181 --> 00:26:20,061 pay off them strippers and maybe, just maybe, 787 00:26:20,101 --> 00:26:21,621 keep a bit to one side for meself. 788 00:26:21,661 --> 00:26:22,861 I don't like this Tommo. 789 00:26:22,901 --> 00:26:23,901 I don't like it a bit. 790 00:26:23,941 --> 00:26:26,181 Look... Ashley. 791 00:26:26,221 --> 00:26:28,661 We'll get to the other side, right? 792 00:26:28,701 --> 00:26:31,421 I'll pop off for an hour max, job done. 793 00:26:31,461 --> 00:26:33,421 No one will be any the wiser. 794 00:26:34,621 --> 00:26:35,941 Will they? 795 00:26:36,781 --> 00:26:38,701 Oh... 796 00:26:38,741 --> 00:26:40,741 Oh yeah, yeah it's happening now. 797 00:26:40,781 --> 00:26:43,061 The laxatives are working. Go on, I'm gonna shit myself. Hurry up. 798 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:45,101 We really didn't think this plan through... 799 00:26:45,141 --> 00:26:47,261 Tyler, you be careful there you! 800 00:26:47,301 --> 00:26:48,981 Oh, its so wobbly! 801 00:26:49,021 --> 00:26:50,901 Is it gonna be like this all the way? 802 00:26:50,941 --> 00:26:52,101 We haven't even left yet. 803 00:26:52,141 --> 00:26:53,461 We're still tied up, Giddy, love. 804 00:26:53,501 --> 00:26:55,701 Vinnie, I've got no sea legs. I'm gonna be sick. 805 00:26:55,741 --> 00:26:57,261 Are you bloody hell gonna be sick. 806 00:26:57,301 --> 00:26:58,581 Oh, I am. I feel awful. 807 00:26:58,621 --> 00:27:00,101 If you stand on one leg 808 00:27:00,141 --> 00:27:01,381 and touch your nose, 809 00:27:01,421 --> 00:27:02,421 you can't be sick. 810 00:27:02,461 --> 00:27:04,501 Really? Is that true? 811 00:27:04,541 --> 00:27:05,741 That's a thing. Yeah. 812 00:27:05,781 --> 00:27:06,781 Try it. 813 00:27:06,821 --> 00:27:08,541 I'll try it. 814 00:27:08,581 --> 00:27:09,981 Okay... 815 00:27:10,021 --> 00:27:11,021 Ooh... 816 00:27:12,461 --> 00:27:14,101 Oooh! 817 00:27:14,141 --> 00:27:16,221 Hey, it's working. There you are! 818 00:27:16,261 --> 00:27:17,381 Oh! 819 00:27:17,421 --> 00:27:19,381 This sickness has left me... 820 00:27:21,061 --> 00:27:22,301 Gideon, man! 821 00:27:23,381 --> 00:27:25,901 Christ, why is it so yellow?! 822 00:27:25,941 --> 00:27:27,701 I had battered sausage with curry sauce... 823 00:27:29,981 --> 00:27:31,661 Hurry up, will you?! 824 00:27:31,701 --> 00:27:34,101 Hurry up?! Do you think I'm fuckin' wanting to be down here, 825 00:27:34,141 --> 00:27:35,181 fishing through shit?! 826 00:27:35,221 --> 00:27:36,581 Vinnie, I feel awful! 827 00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:38,581 I know, sweetheart. I feel like it's gonna last forever! 828 00:27:38,621 --> 00:27:40,501 It's not gonna last forever. 829 00:27:40,541 --> 00:27:42,621 Let's get you in this toilet here... Yes, please! 830 00:27:44,301 --> 00:27:45,581 Is there someone in there? 831 00:27:45,621 --> 00:27:46,781 We're busy! 832 00:27:46,821 --> 00:27:48,181 The key best be here, man. Guys listen! 833 00:27:48,221 --> 00:27:49,901 No, no, no, no. We have got a situation! 834 00:27:49,941 --> 00:27:51,701 Gideon's throwing up in the sink! 835 00:27:51,741 --> 00:27:54,341 Oh, we have got a situation as well! 836 00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:55,901 Would you believe? Fuck. 837 00:27:55,941 --> 00:27:59,141 I've got a fucking situation too, dude! 838 00:28:00,221 --> 00:28:01,221 Dig through it! 839 00:28:01,261 --> 00:28:02,381 Dig through it?! Dig through it! 840 00:28:02,421 --> 00:28:04,301 Dig through it?! What do you think I'm fucking doing? 841 00:28:04,341 --> 00:28:06,301 I'm digging through it. You're not digging THROUGH it! 842 00:28:06,341 --> 00:28:07,821 You're just going in and out. 843 00:28:07,861 --> 00:28:09,301 What are they doing in there? I dunno. 844 00:28:09,341 --> 00:28:11,341 What are you fucking doing in there? What are they doing?! 845 00:28:11,381 --> 00:28:13,461 I don't know dude. It looks fucking ridiculous. 846 00:28:13,501 --> 00:28:14,501 I'm coming in! 847 00:28:14,541 --> 00:28:16,701 No! Do not fucking come in! Do not come in here! 848 00:28:16,741 --> 00:28:18,061 Do not! 849 00:28:18,101 --> 00:28:19,981 Woah! Eugh! Ah! Don't come in! 850 00:28:20,021 --> 00:28:22,061 Don't! Don't fuckin' come in here! 851 00:28:23,381 --> 00:28:24,741 Vinnie! 852 00:28:24,781 --> 00:28:25,781 Right! 853 00:28:25,821 --> 00:28:27,101 Are we ready to set sail? 854 00:28:28,141 --> 00:28:29,941 Yeah, yeah... 855 00:28:31,781 --> 00:28:32,901 Right, JJ, dude. 856 00:28:32,941 --> 00:28:35,101 We really need to make sure we're hugging that coastline. 857 00:28:35,141 --> 00:28:37,421 - Right. - If we follow the coastline... Sorry darling. 858 00:28:37,461 --> 00:28:38,741 ..all the way to Barrow, 859 00:28:38,781 --> 00:28:41,021 there's less chance of veering wildly off course. 860 00:28:41,061 --> 00:28:43,261 Then we can just hop across to the Isle. 861 00:28:43,301 --> 00:28:44,901 And dude, watch out for sandbanks. 862 00:28:46,661 --> 00:28:48,861 Don't look at me. Literally, stare over there. 863 00:29:13,621 --> 00:29:14,621 Alright? 864 00:29:14,661 --> 00:29:17,061 Alright, gorgeous girl? 865 00:29:17,101 --> 00:29:18,901 It's nice in't it? It's lovely, yeah... 866 00:29:20,661 --> 00:29:21,861 Do you know what it reminds me of? 867 00:29:21,901 --> 00:29:23,301 What? 868 00:29:23,341 --> 00:29:25,381 Titanic... Mmm! 869 00:29:25,421 --> 00:29:26,861 It is a bit Titanic. 870 00:29:28,301 --> 00:29:29,581 Do you want to do it? Yeah. 871 00:29:29,621 --> 00:29:31,381 Yes? Yes, I want to do Titanic. 872 00:29:31,421 --> 00:29:33,101 Alright. 873 00:29:33,141 --> 00:29:34,181 Do you trust me? Yeah. 874 00:29:34,221 --> 00:29:36,901 Well, not really. 65 percent. 875 00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:38,421 Right, OK, now put your arms out. 876 00:29:38,461 --> 00:29:40,101 Alright. 877 00:29:40,141 --> 00:29:41,701 Close your eyes. OK... 878 00:29:43,221 --> 00:29:44,701 Right, now... 879 00:29:46,181 --> 00:29:47,621 Right, open them. 880 00:29:49,661 --> 00:29:51,261 It's quite nice in't it?! 881 00:29:52,181 --> 00:29:53,861 It's like we're flying isn't it?! 882 00:30:00,061 --> 00:30:01,261 Christ, you're so beautiful... 883 00:30:01,301 --> 00:30:02,301 Ah! 884 00:30:02,341 --> 00:30:04,861 Shit! Oh my god! 885 00:30:04,901 --> 00:30:06,181 JJ I warned you! 886 00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:07,301 What going on? 887 00:30:07,341 --> 00:30:08,861 I think we hit the sandbank! 888 00:30:08,901 --> 00:30:11,301 Vinnie! Vinnie! 889 00:30:11,341 --> 00:30:12,581 Erin! 890 00:30:12,621 --> 00:30:13,621 Man... 891 00:30:13,661 --> 00:30:16,181 I'm adjusting that... percentage by... 892 00:30:16,221 --> 00:30:17,901 ..sixty percent, dude! 893 00:30:17,941 --> 00:30:20,341 Chuck me the fucking ring! 894 00:30:20,381 --> 00:30:22,341 Dickhead! What fuckin' use is that?! 895 00:30:22,381 --> 00:30:23,861 See you in Antarctica, love! 896 00:30:27,541 --> 00:30:29,501 I'm coming round, I'm coming round! Hang on! 897 00:30:40,701 --> 00:30:42,261 It's bloody freezing! 898 00:30:45,701 --> 00:30:46,781 Vin... 899 00:30:46,821 --> 00:30:48,181 Yeah? 900 00:30:48,221 --> 00:30:49,341 I've summat to tell you... 901 00:30:49,381 --> 00:30:50,421 Oh yeah...? 902 00:30:51,541 --> 00:30:53,101 It's about the Rat and Cutter. 903 00:30:54,341 --> 00:30:55,901 What about the Rat and Cutter? 904 00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:57,101 I'm the new owner. 905 00:30:59,141 --> 00:31:00,981 How does that work? 906 00:31:01,021 --> 00:31:02,541 I got some money to set it up. 907 00:31:03,741 --> 00:31:05,981 Like, do proper nights. 908 00:31:06,021 --> 00:31:07,861 Not just about women shaking their tits about. 909 00:31:07,901 --> 00:31:09,381 I mean like a different vibe, - you know? - Hmm. 910 00:31:09,421 --> 00:31:11,301 Where have you got the money from? 911 00:31:11,341 --> 00:31:13,101 I mean, it sounds dodgy. It's not dodgy. 912 00:31:13,141 --> 00:31:14,501 I got- I loaned it. 913 00:31:15,341 --> 00:31:16,501 I borrowed it from some- 914 00:31:16,541 --> 00:31:18,461 Yeah, I borrowed it. - You got a loan? - Yes. 915 00:31:18,501 --> 00:31:20,181 I got a loan. Well, where from? 916 00:31:21,301 --> 00:31:22,341 The bank. 917 00:31:23,221 --> 00:31:24,221 The bank? Yes! 918 00:31:24,261 --> 00:31:25,541 I got a loan from the bank... 919 00:31:25,581 --> 00:31:27,941 ..to... get it reopened, yeah. 920 00:31:27,981 --> 00:31:29,821 The bank gave you a loan? Yes. 921 00:31:32,101 --> 00:31:33,101 Where- Vin! 922 00:31:33,141 --> 00:31:35,341 Where does Tommo fit in, tell me that? 923 00:31:35,381 --> 00:31:36,821 He is Co-Assistant Manager. 924 00:31:39,181 --> 00:31:41,101 Oh, fuck, he's gonna lose his shit. 925 00:31:41,141 --> 00:31:42,701 I know. 926 00:31:42,741 --> 00:31:44,421 Vin look, it's a means to an end. 927 00:31:44,461 --> 00:31:45,581 You know? 928 00:31:45,621 --> 00:31:47,941 So I can get money together, so I can start making some plans. 929 00:31:47,981 --> 00:31:49,621 Like, I did it at college didn't I? Mhmm. 930 00:31:49,661 --> 00:31:51,461 Business, Hospitality and all that. 931 00:31:51,501 --> 00:31:52,501 I know. I'm good at it. 932 00:31:52,541 --> 00:31:53,541 I know... 933 00:31:54,781 --> 00:31:56,261 Are you telling me porky pies? 934 00:31:57,541 --> 00:32:00,701 - No. - I hope you're not telling me any porkies... 935 00:32:00,741 --> 00:32:02,421 Vin, I'm not lying. 936 00:32:05,261 --> 00:32:07,021 I just love you and that boy. 937 00:32:08,101 --> 00:32:10,341 I just don't want anything happening to you, ever. 938 00:32:10,381 --> 00:32:11,421 Do you understand me? 939 00:32:12,781 --> 00:32:14,301 Hmm? 940 00:32:14,341 --> 00:32:15,381 Yeah. 941 00:32:25,901 --> 00:32:27,141 Fuck! 942 00:32:28,381 --> 00:32:30,581 What the FUCK?! 943 00:32:36,261 --> 00:32:37,501 For FUCK'S sake! 944 00:32:40,661 --> 00:32:42,341 Huh... Dog bummers. 945 00:32:42,381 --> 00:32:44,381 Huh! Warrant to search the premises. 946 00:32:44,421 --> 00:32:45,461 Out the fucking way! 947 00:32:45,501 --> 00:32:46,981 Don't touch me! A coffin's gone missing... 948 00:32:47,021 --> 00:32:48,181 You creep! 949 00:33:01,741 --> 00:33:04,421 Violating a grave, Gary. 950 00:33:04,461 --> 00:33:05,901 Undertaker. 951 00:33:07,661 --> 00:33:09,261 Imagine the reaction! 952 00:33:10,301 --> 00:33:12,261 You'll be Britain's Most Hated Man. 953 00:33:12,301 --> 00:33:13,901 What do you think, Hoskins? 954 00:33:13,941 --> 00:33:16,621 Uh, criminal record, career over... 955 00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:18,101 Yeah, you might be right. 956 00:33:18,901 --> 00:33:20,261 Unless... 957 00:33:21,421 --> 00:33:22,741 Unless what? 958 00:33:22,781 --> 00:33:24,301 Well, I'm just thinking aloud sir, 959 00:33:24,341 --> 00:33:26,941 but sometimes things can, uh... 960 00:33:26,981 --> 00:33:28,661 ..go away. 961 00:33:28,701 --> 00:33:30,021 Go away? 962 00:33:30,061 --> 00:33:31,621 And how would it just... 963 00:33:31,661 --> 00:33:33,181 ..go away? 964 00:33:33,221 --> 00:33:35,901 Well, perhaps he's not the real perpetrator? 965 00:33:35,941 --> 00:33:37,741 Perhaps there were other people involved... 966 00:33:37,781 --> 00:33:39,061 You want me to rat? 967 00:33:39,101 --> 00:33:41,541 I want you to tell me... 968 00:33:41,581 --> 00:33:43,101 ..where O'Neil fits in... 969 00:33:43,141 --> 00:33:44,381 ..and where he is now. 970 00:33:53,781 --> 00:33:55,461 Alright, so where are we now then? 971 00:33:55,501 --> 00:33:56,741 Do you want to tell him? Where is it? 972 00:33:56,781 --> 00:33:57,781 There! 973 00:33:57,821 --> 00:33:58,821 Oooh! 974 00:33:58,861 --> 00:33:59,861 Good lad. 975 00:33:59,901 --> 00:34:01,701 it's going quite well innit, eh? 976 00:34:01,741 --> 00:34:02,741 Not bad. 977 00:34:02,781 --> 00:34:05,381 Oh ye of little faith. 978 00:34:08,701 --> 00:34:10,141 Vin, no! It's not what it- 979 00:34:10,181 --> 00:34:11,341 It wasn't us! Vin! Let me explain- 980 00:34:11,381 --> 00:34:12,661 It wasn't us! Get the fuck outside! 981 00:34:12,701 --> 00:34:14,821 - Get off me! - No, no, Vinnie! You fucking mug. 982 00:34:14,861 --> 00:34:15,941 What the fuck?! Dude! 983 00:34:15,981 --> 00:34:17,661 Dude, don't hit me! They're Tommo's, man. 984 00:34:17,701 --> 00:34:19,661 - Why-?! - We didn't know, alright, until it was too late. 985 00:34:19,701 --> 00:34:21,301 Why the fuck has he brought them? 986 00:34:21,341 --> 00:34:22,541 To sell them to Sniffy Jones, 987 00:34:22,581 --> 00:34:24,261 to pay the strippers! It was nothing to do with us. 988 00:34:24,301 --> 00:34:26,221 I told him it was a bad idea, Vin. 989 00:34:26,261 --> 00:34:28,741 Oi! Dickhead! 990 00:34:28,781 --> 00:34:30,221 Vinnie! VINNIE! I can explain! 991 00:34:30,261 --> 00:34:31,901 I don't want your explanations. 992 00:34:31,941 --> 00:34:34,141 There is a little lad onboard. Why didn't you tell me about that? 993 00:34:34,181 --> 00:34:35,941 I-I KNEW you'd disapprove, you see! 994 00:34:35,981 --> 00:34:37,461 What, so you just fucking did it anyway? 995 00:34:37,501 --> 00:34:39,141 Vinnie! Vinnie! I am fucked, right? 996 00:34:39,181 --> 00:34:40,581 I'm getting heat left, right and centre! 997 00:34:40,621 --> 00:34:42,621 Have you ever dealt with financially disgruntled women?! 998 00:34:42,661 --> 00:34:44,301 I just fucking can't believe you've done- 999 00:34:44,341 --> 00:34:46,341 Get off me! 1000 00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:54,061 Stop... Stop it! 1001 00:34:54,101 --> 00:34:56,341 That's thousands of pills, right?! 1002 00:34:56,381 --> 00:34:57,461 Thousands of 'em! 1003 00:34:59,621 --> 00:35:00,621 If we get caught with them, 1004 00:35:00,661 --> 00:35:02,061 that's YEARS in the pen. 1005 00:35:02,101 --> 00:35:04,621 And Carl Slater will make fucking damn sure of that, won't he? 1006 00:35:04,661 --> 00:35:06,221 Now listen, Tom. 1007 00:35:06,261 --> 00:35:08,261 They are gonna have to go overboard. No, no, Vinnie! 1008 00:35:08,301 --> 00:35:09,581 Vinnie. Vinnie. Listen to me. 1009 00:35:09,621 --> 00:35:11,461 Listen to me right- 1010 00:35:11,501 --> 00:35:12,941 Fucking little bastard! 1011 00:35:14,061 --> 00:35:16,501 Come here, shithead. Come here, you little bastard! 1012 00:35:16,541 --> 00:35:18,141 Oh, shit! 1013 00:35:18,181 --> 00:35:20,101 Where have you fucking hidden them? 1014 00:35:20,141 --> 00:35:21,421 Stop fucking about! 1015 00:35:21,461 --> 00:35:23,501 I'll put you through the fucking wall! 1016 00:35:23,541 --> 00:35:25,741 Where are they? Vin, I can't fucking do it! 1017 00:35:25,781 --> 00:35:27,581 Get off me, you cunt! 1018 00:35:30,381 --> 00:35:31,741 Come here... Get off me! 1019 00:35:32,941 --> 00:35:34,581 I'm not fucking about! 1020 00:35:34,621 --> 00:35:35,781 SHIT! 1021 00:35:35,821 --> 00:35:37,581 Look what you've made me do, you dickhead! 1022 00:35:37,621 --> 00:35:39,061 Listen to me. You don't understand. 1023 00:35:39,101 --> 00:35:41,221 Me little lad's on this fucking boat, Tommy! 1024 00:35:43,261 --> 00:35:44,261 Your lad? 1025 00:35:44,301 --> 00:35:46,981 Yeah, he's fuckin' mine! Alright? 1026 00:35:47,021 --> 00:35:48,861 And his dad's not going back in jail 1027 00:35:48,901 --> 00:35:50,621 for love nor fucking money. 1028 00:35:50,661 --> 00:35:52,261 Never mind a load of pills! 1029 00:35:58,861 --> 00:36:00,101 You're my dad? 1030 00:36:04,341 --> 00:36:05,501 Yeah. 1031 00:36:06,421 --> 00:36:07,741 Yeah, I am, yeah. 1032 00:36:07,781 --> 00:36:09,981 I mean it wasn't meant to come out like that... 1033 00:36:11,141 --> 00:36:13,301 But yeah, I am. I'm your real daddy. 1034 00:36:16,021 --> 00:36:17,341 Mum? 1035 00:36:18,701 --> 00:36:20,141 Um... OK... 1036 00:36:21,301 --> 00:36:23,461 Right, the reason why we didn't tell you... 1037 00:36:24,621 --> 00:36:26,701 ..is because Mummy... 1038 00:36:26,741 --> 00:36:29,261 ..was with Dylan, OK? 1039 00:36:29,301 --> 00:36:31,021 And-And Dylan... 1040 00:36:31,061 --> 00:36:32,821 ..wanted to be your daddy as well. 1041 00:36:35,821 --> 00:36:37,621 Come here a sec. Listen. 1042 00:36:37,661 --> 00:36:39,181 Just listen to me a minute. 1043 00:36:43,501 --> 00:36:45,261 Sometimes... 1044 00:36:45,301 --> 00:36:47,981 ..grown-ups get things really wrong. 1045 00:36:48,021 --> 00:36:49,381 Y'know? 1046 00:36:51,101 --> 00:36:53,581 And for the longest time I just didn't know- 1047 00:36:53,621 --> 00:36:55,381 I didn't know I was your daddy. 1048 00:36:57,061 --> 00:36:58,741 But now I do know. 1049 00:37:00,341 --> 00:37:01,941 And you are the best thing 1050 00:37:01,981 --> 00:37:03,701 that's ever happened to me 1051 00:37:03,741 --> 00:37:05,701 in my entire life. 1052 00:37:08,581 --> 00:37:10,101 Can I have a squeeze? 1053 00:37:19,861 --> 00:37:21,661 I love my boy. 1054 00:37:27,821 --> 00:37:29,941 Shall we go and sail the boat? 1055 00:37:29,981 --> 00:37:30,981 Yeah?! 1056 00:37:31,021 --> 00:37:32,021 Come on, sausage. 1057 00:37:32,061 --> 00:37:33,261 Come with me, buddy. 1058 00:37:36,021 --> 00:37:38,181 Can you see any whales? 1059 00:37:38,981 --> 00:37:39,981 No... 1060 00:37:40,021 --> 00:37:42,381 Can you see any dolphins? 1061 00:37:42,421 --> 00:37:43,701 Can I have a kiss? 1062 00:37:43,741 --> 00:37:44,861 Name name name. Mwah! 1063 00:37:46,341 --> 00:37:47,541 I tell you what Tyler, 1064 00:37:47,581 --> 00:37:49,661 you are doing such a good job! 1065 00:37:49,701 --> 00:37:51,261 Woah! Straight, straight, straight! 1066 00:37:51,301 --> 00:37:52,821 Woah! 1067 00:37:55,141 --> 00:37:57,661 ♪ From the top of my head 1068 00:37:57,701 --> 00:38:02,661 ♪ Down to the tips 1069 00:38:02,701 --> 00:38:05,661 ♪ So go ahead and love me 1070 00:38:05,701 --> 00:38:08,221 ♪ While it's still a crime 1071 00:38:08,261 --> 00:38:11,821 ♪ Don't forget you could be laughing 1072 00:38:11,861 --> 00:38:16,221 ♪ Sixty-five percent 1073 00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:22,101 ♪ You could be laughing sixty-five percent of the time ♪ 1074 00:38:22,141 --> 00:38:23,381 God help me. 1075 00:38:24,781 --> 00:38:27,181 Do not stand at my grave and weep, 1076 00:38:27,221 --> 00:38:30,101 I am not there, I do not sleep. 1077 00:38:30,141 --> 00:38:32,021 I am a thousand winds that blow, 1078 00:38:32,061 --> 00:38:34,221 I am the diamond glints on the snow. 1079 00:38:36,261 --> 00:38:38,781 I am the sunlight on ripened grain, 1080 00:38:38,821 --> 00:38:40,141 I am the gentle Autumn rain... 1081 00:38:40,181 --> 00:38:41,181 It's the fucking cops. 1082 00:38:41,221 --> 00:38:43,981 Hey! It's the fucking cops! 1083 00:38:44,021 --> 00:38:46,101 I am the.. What?! Eh?! 1084 00:38:46,141 --> 00:38:47,421 Shit! 1085 00:38:47,461 --> 00:38:48,781 The police? 1086 00:38:48,821 --> 00:38:51,101 Well, we've done nowt wrong. We've nothing to worry about, have we? 1087 00:38:51,141 --> 00:38:52,981 Do we need a permit to bury her?! 1088 00:38:53,021 --> 00:38:54,141 What- what- what- 1089 00:38:54,181 --> 00:38:56,501 What if we've crossed a border?! What if they think we're pirates?! 1090 00:38:56,541 --> 00:38:58,341 Giddy. Calm down. What if they make us walk the plank? 1091 00:38:58,381 --> 00:39:00,181 I've got my best shoes on! Gideon, stop it! 1092 00:39:00,221 --> 00:39:01,221 Calm down. 1093 00:39:01,261 --> 00:39:02,261 What's happening? 1094 00:39:02,301 --> 00:39:04,581 Nothing, nothing! We're fine, OK? We're fine, we're fine. 1095 00:39:04,621 --> 00:39:06,341 Tommy! 1096 00:39:06,381 --> 00:39:07,701 Tommy. Hey! 1097 00:39:07,741 --> 00:39:09,021 The fucking sea police are out there! 1098 00:39:09,061 --> 00:39:10,061 We've gotta throw 'em over 1099 00:39:10,101 --> 00:39:11,581 or we're gonna get fucking banged up, man! 1100 00:39:11,621 --> 00:39:13,221 What if they float?! Shit. 1101 00:39:13,261 --> 00:39:15,581 Ah! Shit, this is bad, this is really fuckin' bad! 1102 00:39:15,621 --> 00:39:16,821 Just give them to me. 1103 00:39:16,861 --> 00:39:18,461 I'll do it on the sly. Just fucking hurry up man! 1104 00:39:18,501 --> 00:39:19,501 Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie... 1105 00:39:19,541 --> 00:39:21,021 If they're outside and they film it 1106 00:39:21,061 --> 00:39:23,501 and they catch you doing that, that's you in the shit. 1107 00:39:23,541 --> 00:39:25,381 If anyone is going down for this, it's me. 1108 00:39:26,221 --> 00:39:27,581 Hang on. Hang on. What? 1109 00:39:27,621 --> 00:39:29,301 I've got it. 1110 00:39:29,341 --> 00:39:30,701 She is still up there... Mmhmm. 1111 00:39:30,741 --> 00:39:32,101 The mother, she hasn't gone in yet. 1112 00:39:32,141 --> 00:39:33,861 Hmm. 1113 00:39:33,901 --> 00:39:36,421 Get out. Fuck, I'll do Gideon. 1114 00:39:39,861 --> 00:39:41,141 Oh here's Vinnie. 1115 00:39:41,181 --> 00:39:42,421 Come here, sweetheart. 1116 00:39:42,461 --> 00:39:44,141 Are you okay? I'm alright. I was just... 1117 00:39:44,181 --> 00:39:45,661 Cover me so they can't see what I'm doing. 1118 00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:47,621 I know, yeah... Yeah. I know that. 1119 00:39:47,661 --> 00:39:49,261 So, um, listen to me. 1120 00:39:49,301 --> 00:39:52,061 It's just like that poem said, innit, you know... 1121 00:39:52,101 --> 00:39:55,301 Do not stand by my graveside and cry, 1122 00:39:55,341 --> 00:39:57,541 for I was not there... There we go love! 1123 00:39:57,581 --> 00:39:59,101 Think of it as one last high. 1124 00:39:59,141 --> 00:40:01,461 She did die though, didn't she, - Vinnie? - Well, yes, physically. 1125 00:40:01,501 --> 00:40:03,501 She was cold, stiff as a board! 1126 00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:04,901 Dude, it's poem talk. 1127 00:40:04,941 --> 00:40:06,341 She is in there. 1128 00:40:06,381 --> 00:40:07,741 Shall we sit you down? 1129 00:40:07,781 --> 00:40:10,221 Maybe say a few words? - OK. - Alright, sweetheart. 1130 00:40:10,261 --> 00:40:12,261 Do not throw anything from the boat! 1131 00:40:12,301 --> 00:40:13,301 Fuck! 1132 00:40:13,341 --> 00:40:15,341 Bye, Mum. 1133 00:40:15,381 --> 00:40:18,541 You were the best mother a son could ever have. 1134 00:40:18,581 --> 00:40:20,381 You were always there for me, 1135 00:40:20,421 --> 00:40:22,421 through good times and bad. 1136 00:40:22,461 --> 00:40:25,781 Like when Martin McCulloch used to pick on me, 1137 00:40:25,821 --> 00:40:27,821 and I'd come home crying. 1138 00:40:27,861 --> 00:40:29,621 You'd wipe me tears... 1139 00:40:29,661 --> 00:40:31,821 Turn off your engines! ..and make me crumpets, 1140 00:40:31,861 --> 00:40:33,541 ..with honey on them... 1141 00:40:33,581 --> 00:40:36,501 And... IN she goes! 1142 00:40:36,541 --> 00:40:37,661 Oh Mum! 1143 00:40:37,701 --> 00:40:39,381 Goodbyes should be sudden. 1144 00:40:39,421 --> 00:40:40,621 Bye, Mum... 1145 00:40:43,181 --> 00:40:44,821 Should we get arrested? 1146 00:40:44,861 --> 00:40:46,621 Hey, yeah... why not, eh? 1147 00:40:48,661 --> 00:40:51,261 Do not throw anything overboard! 1148 00:40:51,301 --> 00:40:55,781 ♪ Cold, cold eyes upon me they stare 1149 00:40:55,821 --> 00:40:58,901 ♪ People all around me, 1150 00:40:58,941 --> 00:41:01,621 ♪ and they're all in fear... ♪ 1151 00:41:01,661 --> 00:41:04,541 Hey, you couldn't release them for - us, could you? - No. 1152 00:41:08,221 --> 00:41:10,701 Who's my special little man? 1153 00:41:10,741 --> 00:41:12,941 Me. Is it you?! 1154 00:41:12,981 --> 00:41:14,221 Listen to me. 1155 00:41:14,261 --> 00:41:16,141 No matter what happens, 1156 00:41:16,181 --> 00:41:18,941 I will never ever leave you. 1157 00:41:18,981 --> 00:41:20,621 Do you hear me? 1158 00:41:20,661 --> 00:41:22,021 Alright? 1159 00:41:24,661 --> 00:41:27,421 Go to sleep. My boy... 1160 00:41:29,581 --> 00:41:31,061 I wish he were my dad. 1161 00:41:32,581 --> 00:41:35,181 ♪ Having hard times 1162 00:41:35,221 --> 00:41:37,821 ♪ In this crazy town 1163 00:41:37,861 --> 00:41:40,381 ♪ Having hard times 1164 00:41:40,421 --> 00:41:43,101 ♪ There's no love to be found 1165 00:41:43,141 --> 00:41:45,661 ♪ Having hard times 1166 00:41:45,701 --> 00:41:48,301 ♪ In this crazy town 1167 00:41:48,341 --> 00:41:50,941 ♪ Having hard times 1168 00:41:50,981 --> 00:41:54,181 ♪ And no love to be found ♪ 1169 00:41:58,301 --> 00:42:02,381 ♪ From my party house, 1170 00:42:02,421 --> 00:42:07,301 ♪ Familiar faces, creed and race 1171 00:42:07,341 --> 00:42:13,101 ♪ But to my surprise 1172 00:42:13,141 --> 00:42:17,981 ♪ Although he be my brother, 1173 00:42:18,021 --> 00:42:20,781 ♪ Having hard times 1174 00:42:20,821 --> 00:42:23,901 ♪ In this crazy town 1175 00:42:23,941 --> 00:42:25,141 ♪ Having hard times... ♪ 1176 00:42:26,621 --> 00:42:27,941 We're on the way. What's going on? 1177 00:42:27,981 --> 00:42:29,661 Something's happened with Doolan. 1178 00:42:29,701 --> 00:42:31,221 He's been kidnapped. 1179 00:42:31,261 --> 00:42:33,261 You won't let us down Vinnie. 1180 00:42:33,301 --> 00:42:35,341 We are asking you to save a man's life here! 1181 00:42:36,941 --> 00:42:38,541 We are doing this by the book, boys. 1182 00:42:38,581 --> 00:42:39,821 We're gonna go to them kidnappers. 1183 00:42:39,861 --> 00:42:41,101 Ah, Fuck! 1184 00:42:41,141 --> 00:42:42,861 We're going to drop that money off, save Doolan, 1185 00:42:42,901 --> 00:42:43,981 be bloody heroes, 1186 00:42:44,021 --> 00:42:46,221 and off we go to Tyler's birthday party. 1187 00:43:00,261 --> 00:43:01,901 You know when he said Isle of Wight, 1188 00:43:01,941 --> 00:43:03,541 do you think he meant Isle of Man? 1189 00:43:03,581 --> 00:43:07,341 ♪ I've got soul control in my mind ♪ 1190 00:43:07,381 --> 00:43:08,381 Hey, it's- I'm alright. 1191 00:43:08,421 --> 00:43:12,221 ♪ Soul control in my mind 1192 00:43:12,261 --> 00:43:18,901 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on 1193 00:43:18,941 --> 00:43:23,661 ♪ 'Cause everything I got 1194 00:43:23,701 --> 00:43:27,461 ♪ And I think about it... ♪ 1195 00:43:27,501 --> 00:43:33,501 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk